Playing video games, hanging out with my boys and spending as much time as possible with my sweetie Sailorrush.

City Of Heroes

Cyber Highway 171

I Love You Kitten

Club Pogo

Ding Fries Are Done

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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immedaitely turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"Okay," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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The other night I was invited for a night out with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, I promised! Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 AM, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in and I told him midnight. He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said...

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

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A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead racoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

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Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

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A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

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Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt"?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made form vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow into a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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